The Potters Have How Many Kids!
by J.D. RavenMoore
Summary: One-Shot; Harry and Hermione! They go at it like bunnies! Enjoy ;D [I got, like, super bored, and it was two in the morning when this was written.] A parody of sorts. - Complete


The Potters Have How Many Kids!?

**Disclaimer: See profile**

A/N: Just a One-shot I guess. I was really, super bored. Remus, Tonks, Sirius, and Fred live! [AU/ the war never happened/ Tom Riddle died of a heart attack before turning into a human snake/ Teddy was born after the war/ and whatnot so yea]

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><p>The Potters Have How Many Kids?!<p>

§One-Shot§

_~Graduation Night~_

_The Great Hall_

"Can I have everyone's attention please?" Harry shouted over the sea of students from atop the Gryffindor table. Hermione turned to looked at him, she was standing with Sirius and Tonks; Remus had gone for some punch. The Hall barely listening. "Oi! I said shut up and look at me!" the Hall finally got quiet. "Thank you. Now obviously I'm a nutter for even thinking of doing this in front of everyone here but I say 'what the hell!' Hermione darling, come join me up here." Harry held his hand out to her while Sirius helped her up.

"Now I really am a complete idiot for putting you in the 'spotlight' so to speak but I say Sod It!" Harry slid down to one knee with a collective _gasp_ from the entire Hall as Hermione's hands moved to cover her mouth, a lone tear slid down her cheek. "Hermione Jean Granger, you have been with me through thick and thin, thin and thinner. Together we've gone through hell and back. In all honesty, you're my personal guardian angel. I love you with all my heart and soul. Will you do me the utmost honor of becoming my wife?" The entire Hall got quiet, waiting for Hermione's answer.

"Yes," she whispered, "Dear Merlin, yes!" she cried. Applause erupted all around the couple as they shared a passionate kiss.

~§~ 10 Months Later; Baby Number 1 ~§~

Hermione lay sleeping in her hospital bed, having gone through 15 hours of labor to give new life to the first of the Potter children. Harry was sat in an armchair when Sirius and the Lupin's walked in. "Hey, Harry. How's Mione doing?" Remus asked as a very pregnant Tonks took a seat in the other armchair. "She's great Moony, absolutely great." Sirius was standing behind Harry looking at the newest member of the Potter family. "Well son, what's his name?" Sirius asked eagerly. Harry carefully turned his newborn son around to face the room, "Everyone meet James Harry Potter." Both Remus and Sirius had silent tears falling.

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><p>~ 3 Months Later ~<p>

Three month old Little James was sat on Uncle Sirius' lap while Cousin Teddy was sleeping on Auntie Tonks' chest. Uncle Remus was actually sprawled out dead asleep on the floor surrounded by toys. This is the scene that Harry and Mione walked in on. "Well it's nice to see such a warm welcome." Hermione said while giggling. Harry was crouching, trying to wake up Remus. Nothing was working. "Let me try," Hermione said, "Remus, there's no more chocolate left in the world!" she cried dramatically.

He sprang right up, "No! No, your lying!"

"Well, no shit! But we do have some wonderful news." Harry straightened out, moving to encircle Hermione in his arms with his hands resting on her stomach. "James is going to have another sibling in 8 months!" Cheers went all around! Yay, more kids!

~§~ 8 Months Later; Baby Number 2 ~§~

"I'm going to kill you Harry James Potter if its the last thing I do!" Hermione screamed at the top of her lungs. Meanwhile Remus and Sirius were pacing the floor like mad. All the Weasleys were waiting for news. With an ear-piercing scream Aiden Sirius was born!

Harry crashed through the doors, "It's a boy! Another boy! Aiden Sirius Potter!"

And down went Sirius, crying, truly happy, especially because he had a name-sake. "I'd say lets go see him now but Mione has her wand. Not a good idea." this had Remus, Tonks, and the Weasley Twins cracking up.

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><p>~ 5 Months Later ~<p>

"Oi! Everyone, great news, Mione's a month pregnant!" The noise level at the Burrow just increased ten fold. More children were always a great reason to celebrate. The Potters having two kids and another on the way; the Lupin's in the middle of their second; Sirius and his wife Linda ready to pop out their first; Ron and Lavender also on their second; with Seamus and Ginny just having their second child. Yup, life was good for this giant family.

~§~ 8 Months Later; Baby Number 3 ~§~

"Here you go Mrs. Potter, baby Potter number three. All clean and a very healthy set of lungs." The Healer said while passing over the newborn. As the nurse left the Blacks and Lupins walked in first with the other Potter children. Little James was placed next to his mother as was baby Aiden. "Who's dat, mummy?" Little James asked. The roomed waited with a baited breathe. "His name, my darling, is Logan. Logan Remus Potter." And with that Remus started to silently cry. He made his way over to the thrice new mother, and kissed her forehead. "Thank you, Mione. Thank you so much." He pulled Harry into a bear hug. "I truly believe your parents would be proud Harry. Extremely proud."

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><p>~ 4 Months Later ~<p>

Harry awoke to a scream, but so did the rest of the newly renovated Grimmauld. It was nothing short of a mansion housing the Black's, Lupin's and Potter's. Harry, Sirius, and Remus rushed towards the scream, wands drawn. Only to be tackled by an ecstatic Hermione. "Great your all here, I'm pregnant again!" Then she proceeded to kiss Harry within an inch of his life.

~§~ 7 Months Later; Baby Number 4 ~§~

"Great Godrics Goatee! Another boy, Harry darling we need girls in the family." Hermione said exasperated. Harry simply sat on the side of her bed with the biggest grin on his face. "Sorry love no way to choose." This time only Sirius and Remus walked in since both Linda and Tonks were very close to there own due dates. "Well pups, who's this then?" "Yes what is the newest cubs' name?" All three men looked towards Hermione. "Joshua. Joshua Phoenix Potter." she said with a smile. "Brilliant!" All three said in unison.

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><p>~ 7 Months Later ~<p>

Once again the _entire_ family was gathered at the Burrow. Nothing tasted better to a pregnant Hermione, Tonks, Linda, Ginny, and Lavender than Gran Weasley's home cooked meals. Linda Black was at the beginning of her third pregnancy; Tonks was three months away from delivering her forth; with Lavender and Ginny in the middle of there third.

"Everybody! I know it's obvious but this is amazing. I'm five months pregnant with twins! Twin boys!" _Thud!_ Hermione turned around to see Harry on the floor having fallen in a dead faint. "Oh, honestly!" She huffed, "It's not like your the one the size of a baby whale!"

~§~ 4 Months Later; Babies Number 5 & 6 ~§~

"Remus, as far as you know, have there ever been females born to the Potter line?" Hermione asked. Sirius was silently chuckling while holding the first twin, Corvus Anthony. Remus was standing next to a sleeping Harry, rocking the other twin to sleep, Chester Jacob. "In all honesty, I'm not sure Mione. You have six amazing sons. But I will admit I want a niece or two." Sirius silently agreed.

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><p>~ 8 Months Later ~<p>

An owl flew in through the window reading: _St. Mungos._ Hermione screamed. She had just gotten the results to her latest pregnancy. Once again at the Burrow celebrating birthdays and more children. All the men raced towards Hermione while the women corralled all the children, their wands drawn as well. Harry found her on the floor. Sirius and Remus took guard behind her back. "Mione love, what is it, whats wrong?" Hermione was shaking, she couldn't answer. The parchment in her hands not helping. "Lets get her on the couch, Cub." Remus instructed. Once on said couch, Hermione started speaking, "Harry, you know I'm six months pregnant right?" He nodded, waiting for her to continue, "Harry, Uncle Padfoot, Uncle Moony, I'm six months with triplets! All girls!" _Thud! Thud! Thud!_ "Hmm, no wonder I'm bigger than I was with the twins." Hermione mused. The party back in full swing, celebrating once more.

~§~ 3 Months Later; Babies Number 7, 8, and 9 ~§~

"Damn you Potter!" "This is all your fault!" "I hate you, you did this to me!" "No more kids!" "I'm done damn it!" Hermione screamed every so often while giving birth to her girls. More shrieks, screams, and cries of pain was all that was heard for the next hour.

Harry burst through the waiting room doors, "Every one can come in after the immediate family. Sirius, Linda, Remus and Tonks you first guys." he said with a bright smile. They made there way towards the room when Sirius asked, "Harry, by chance did you name one of the triplets Lily?" "You'll see," was all that was said in response while walking into Hermione's room. "Hey you guys," Hermione whispered, "Come meet the rest of the family." Harry gave a baby each to both Sirius and Remus while Hermione held one as well. Remus broke the comfortable silence. "OK you two who's got who?" "Well, Sirius is holding the second triplet, Natasha Linda." Harry said with a smile. Then Hermione, "And you Remus are holding the first of the Potter girls, Bailey May." She continued, " And in my arms is the very last of the Potter children that is coming out of me, Lily Dora." Tonks gasped with a silent tear running down her cheek. "What? We couldn't name her 'Lily Tonks' now, could we." Harry said with an amused smile.

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><p>~§~ Merlin Knows How Many Years Later, But Well Into The Hogwarts Years ~§~<p>

"Harry, darling, we got a letter from Minerva again!" Hermione shouted from the kitchen. The Blacks, Lupin's, Finnagin's and the entire Weasley clan (well over 41 people now [that's including the kids]) were staying for Christmas. When they heard Mione yelling from the kitchen everyone laughed. Ever since the new generation of Potter's, Blacks, Lupin's, Weasleys, and now Finnagin's, Hogwarts has yet to have another quiet year. With the last of everyone's children in Second Year, well that's just dangerous having so many pranksters in one building. Somehow even though Hermione and Remus aren't related, the children from the _entire _family seem to have inherited there '''smarts''' so to speak. With Fred, George, Sirius, and Remus in the family as fathers and uncles, they seemed to pass out the '''prankster''' gene around. When adding to the mix the fact that Seamus still catches thing on fire? Again not a good mix with upwards of over 60 children.

Hermione walked in waving the letter in the air, laughing at what ever the kids seemed to have done this time. "OK, Minerva starts the letter like this . . .

(the letter)

_To the parent of the Potter children, the Black children, the Lupin children, the Finnagin children, and the children of Fredrick and George Weasley. _

_I must say, the latest prank ALL of these children have pulled is nothing short of genius and quite frankly hilarious; with Hermione and Remus in the family its no wonder. Now the fact that Gryffindor has all the boys of this huge family and Ravenclaw has all the girls is slightly more terrifying. From what I found out your Gryffindors basically did the dirty work of your devious Ravenclaws. The Potter girls did all the research, while the Black and Weasley girls did the wand work, the Finnagin girls did the pyrotechnics, and the Lupin girls did the potions. _

_Now the reason for such drastic measures being taken by your children is because of the visiting exchange students we have had just happened to learn of the heritage of your children and let his mouth run wild; and I quote _"You Potters, Blacks, Weasleys, Finnigans, and Lupins are nothing short of filthy abominations! MB's, half bloods, and blood traitors for parents, not to mention a filthy half breed!"

_I must say, while I extremely abhor those boys language, I was immensely proud of the baby of your group. Little Lily Potter strode up to the seventh yr student, looked him in the eye, then drove her little foot home to his family jewels – so to speak. Most of the exchange students were sorted into Slytherin and Ravenclaw. _

_Let me tell you the results of this . . . retaliation; all of the Slytherin boys somehow ended up in purple tutus with bright pink hair and the girls in yellow monkey suits with shocking blue hair doing the tango around their house table; the rest of the Gryffindor boys ended up in lime green kilts with purple colored hair while the girls sprouted orange cat ears and tails with shocking green hair making a conga line around the Great Hall; the Ravenclaw boys somehow sprouted donkey ears complete with the braying of said creature while the rest of the Ravenclaw girls grew wings and shouted "we are the great fairies of Hogwarts!" and doing the cha-cha ; the Hufflepuffs were unsurprising left alone to enjoy the entertainment that was set out during dinner tonight. _

_As a Christmas gift I have decided not to remove house points or hand out detentions. Pass on my regards to the rest of the family. _

_Happy Christmas!_

_Sincerely, _

_Headmistress McGonaggal_

The fathers of the mentioned children were wearing very proud smiles and laughing while the mothers were fighting not to smile.

Hermione smiled to herself, she was extremely happy that her kids caused someone else to get gray hair not only her and Harry. Oh well, such was life. But to her Life had been very generous.

**The End**

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><p>AN: So yea, I was really bored while writing this. ~shrugs shoulders~ G'night!


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